If you’re new to Japan, you might be wondering how neighbour relations work here. Space is at a premium, and unless you’re well out in the sticks, living quarters are tight. Buildings are often so close together that you can reach out of your window and into your neighbour’s. (Don’t do that. Ever.)

Japanese society values wa — harmony — and being a good neighbour is all about emphasizing that in your daily interactions. Here are some easy ways to maintain the wa.

Introduce yourself 

It’s good form to go around and introduce yourself to immediate neighbours shortly after moving in (even if you don't speak Japanese). If you’re in a block of flats, you can limit this to the neighbours next door, above and below.

You can use the phrases: Hajimemashite! (House number) ni hikkoshite iru (your surname) to mou shimasu. Yoroshiku onegai shimasu. These translate to: Nice to meet you! I’m (name) from (number). Let’s cooperate as good neighbours [loose translation].

It’s recommended that you give your neighbours a small gift — dishtowels, sweets, snacks, or a pack of nice soba noodles (not the generic supermarket stuff). There used to be a tradition of giving hikkoshi soba (moving soba), but unfortunately it is starting to die out. Revive it and see your neighbours smile.

Keep the noise down

The tight space thing means that sound travels easily. If you want to listen to music loudly, think about using headphones. Avoid wearing shoes inside, because a) it’s just weird in Japan, and b) they make big thunking noises that reverberate downstairs. Parties are best held during the day, if they must be held at all.

There have been reports of downstairs neighbours banging on the ceiling to complain about what might be considered minor noises, like a kid accidentally dropping a toy on the floor. So keep sound levels as low as possible. 

Take trash seriously

In Japan, trash is serious business. When you register at your local ward office, they will likely give you an English guide to garbage and recycling. Make sure you separate your stuff into the right categories — nothing gets up a neighbour’s nose more than carelessly thrown out trash. Put it out on the correct day, and use the right bags. If you have any large items that need to go out, like a mattress or closet, be sure to pay for collection stickers (if necessary in your ward) and get the council to pick it up — don’t just dump things.

Also — as tempting as it may be, DO NOT rifle through the rubbish your neighbours have tossed. Yes, that chair might look brand new, and so might that rice cooker — but you risk causing irritation and even offence by trying to give it a new home. If they’ve paid for stickers for it to be picked up, taking the item can lead to confusion and frantic calls from the council rubbish service.

Keep stairs and paths clear

You’ll often see posters with pleas to this effect. Be a good sort and don’t leave boxes or other bulky goods on stairs or in places that get in the way of your neighbours. Not only is this unsporting, it’s actually dangerous in the event of an earthquake. Keep your things inside.

Be good about balconies

There are a few points to keep in mind about balconies (if you have them). First off, don’t let your washing blow off your balcony and onto a neighbour’s! Make sure it’s properly secured — some parts of Japan can get quite blustery. Secondly, when typhoons come around, be sure to take down your washing poles so they don’t fall and cause damage. And if you’re keen on having a planter garden, avoid putting them onto the balcony walls if you have neighbours below — this writer received some terse complaints about doing just that!

Keep expectations low

Finally, try not to have big expectations about being invited over for dinner or becoming best buddies. The vibe is one of wa, not friend-finding. Don’t be offended if your Japanese neighbours keep their distance. Just be polite, greet them (even if they don't greet you) and go about your business.

By Carey Finn

Similar to this: 

Japan sees increased demand for city-centre condos

The rise of co-living: How Millenials are reshaping the way we live 

Forces are in play for continuing residential rental growth in Tokyo